Dealing with Fear within Life Coaching

Dealing with FearDealing with Fear

I want to share with you now my practical experience within the world of transformational coaching in helping people move ahead in their life without fear or manageable amounts of it.

Fear is one of the most recognised emotions that will stop people moving forward and when I talk to clients out in the coaching world it is understood as getting in the way of what is uniquely desired.

It is also an emotion that can bring about a certain anticipation of doom and gloom just in the word itself.

People will come to a life coaching session looking to fundamentally change how they are living and what they are doing that could also include behaviours that could be impinging their success and keep them trapped in negative cycles.

When I ask clients what stops you moving forward? The most common sticking point is that of fear.

What is fear?

Fear is just a word in itself and as with many of these words we give them meaning.

Fear is nebulous, chaotic and can also be mysterious in its very nature. The other important point to make is that it lives and breeds in the dark recesses of our subconscious and quite often in our imagination and will often based on past events that we have internalized and projected into the future.

If we think of these memories as small containers within our physiology neatly packaged and boxed up with a label marked do not open until…(insert the date here)

When we are faced with a situation in the present this box can be opened and the fear can seep into our bodies and minds like toxic poison that can disarm us, cause us to become rooted to the spot in a paralysed way and create a real physiological response.

I am sure you have experienced the fear tremors, the gurgling insides, the knotted and twisted sensation like a coiled up snake nestling at the pit of your stomach.

They don’t call it the flight or fight response for nothing. The mind is then affected and catastrophizing, ignoring any positives, mind reading, overgeneralising and other distorted thoughts can crop up and before we know it we have avoided, procrastinated and nothing changes.

We run (quite often in the other direction) or we may stay – but either way has anything really changed for us?

We may stay in the same relationship, the mundane job, and keep ourselves small and less than based on our fear response.

When we help people to move forward from this we firstly want to unpick the fear.

Where has this come from?
When was this actually true for you? (We can measure reality against this)
How is this impacting you?
What is the worse thing that could happen?
When you think about this how would you cope?
Do you think other people also think as you do?
Imagine you were them what could you do to help yourself move forward?
Where in your life are you not in fear?
How is this?
What can you learn and who can help you learn it?

These questions are not exhaustive and you may choose to bring in other techniques to help. Whether that be EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Creative visualisation, CBC (Cognitive behavioural coaching) or other tried and tested approaches.

We do not want to be afraid of letting someone experience what scares them, to have an open and safe space to allow our client to share what they want to and feel supported and encouraged without needing for it to be fixed or changed by us.

We also need to see our client sitting opposite us as not tapping into inner resources that could help them sail the stormy waters of fear. They have the boat and the sails to help (in terms of life experience, other peoples support and adequate tools to get through).

They may just have forgotten to use them and in fact turned a bit rusty with lack of use.

As a transformational coach we help people find their power, the light that can shine onto the dark recesses of fear and bring about a certain consciousness to it and bring it out into the open.

In fact once this is done it might not seem so scary after all!

cognitive-behavioural-coachingAbout The Author

Paul Kensett is a life coach and founder of Paul Kensett Training and Coaching solutions and a qualified coach and NLP Practitioner.


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