13 steps to a relationship breakthrough
What makes happy couples and lasting friendships?
Happy relationships matter to us. They keep us healthy, happy and give our lives meaning. Wouldn’t your life be different when you know and use these secrets to happy, fulfilling relationships with the people who matter most to you?
These 13 recipes for success underpin all happy relationships and have been distilled from research into what makes happy couples and lasting friendships.
13 Steps to a Relationship Breakthrough
1. Get clear about your own identity, needs and wishes
- It takes a strong sense of self to be able to negotiate
- To admit you’re in the wrong
- That you don’t know
- To identify and then stand up for what is important to you
2. Act as if the “US” already had a separate existence
- Whenever you feel angry, upset or aggrieved, present the problem to the “US” as a problem it has, rather than to your partner
- Find solutions together
3. Agree on the rules of the “US”
- Aim deliberately to dovetail behaviours, wishes and skills
- Be explicit and clear
- Avoid assumptions
- What is negotiable /non- negotiable ?
4. Look for things which satisfy both of you
- Make being part of the “US” a pleasant, satisfying experience
- Learn to look out of your partner’s eyes (the skill of going to 2nd position /stepping into their shoes)
5. Give legitimate space to each “I” involved in the “US”
- Each partner has individual needs for time apart
- Negotiate these
6. Find ways to allow your differences to enrich the “US”
- Get into the habit of noticing your differences
- Ask “ How can we use this to enrich the “US” ?
7. Identify the things that enhance the “US” and do more of them
- Get into the habit of noticing what’s going on whenever you feel the “US-ness” most strongly
- What is it about this situation /activity that helps enhance the “US-ness”?
8. Check your future plans
- Get into the habit of checking out future plans to ensure they express and enhance the “US”
- Evaluate decisions in the here and now for their impact on your future
9. Deal with negative feelings
- When you are irritated or annoyed deal with these feelings yourself
- Take a breath and a moment and if showing your emotions won’t take the “US” forward consciously decide whether to raise the matter or keep silent
- If the cause repeats , look at the pattern
- Find a good moment to bring it to your partner’s attention and address it as a “US” problem –not blaming
10. Deal with genuine irritations
- Don’t let these fester
11. Recipes for Success
- When you are unhappy about something say what you would like instead
- Give your partner recipes for success
- Be specific
- Tell them what they can do to improve things
- Ask what you can do differently
12. Minimise pressure
- Identify pressure points/times/behaviours and reduce them
13. Praise and reward freely and generously
- Praise what’s working at the time
- Avoid criticising
- Build reserves of trust
|About The Author
Lorna Bevan is a qualified Hypnotherapist, NLP and EFT practitioner based in Southampton, Hampshire. She typically draws clients from the New Forest, Winchester, Romsey, Dorset, Salisbury and Portsmouth areas.
To find out more about Lorna’s work, visit her GoToSee profile page here
Visit her website – www.lornabevan.co.uk