Relationship problems – Top reasons why people won’t commit

Commitment issues and relationship problems

You may have read our news article about partners having so much commitment in their relationship that it causes psychological and emotional problems (read the story here). Well, for some people the opposite is true. A lack of commitment in a relationship is often the reason why couples split up. Commitment levels need to have a healthy balance so the relationship can survive, grow and thrive.

Here are the five main reasons why people have relationship commitment issues:

1. Forever seems like an awfully long time
When someone says they want to stay with you forever, time in itself takes on a different meaning. Committing to your partner for a lifetime requires you to look into the future and see yourself with one person. You’ll grow old with this person and there’ll be nobody else that you’ll have an intimate relationship with. You must be prepared to see if you can, or can’t, see yourself with anyone else.

If you can see yourself with another then perhaps you are with the wrong person. That’s perfectly natural, just don’t string the person you’re with along. Making promises about the future with someone that you don’t want to be with is unfair on both of you.

2. “They’re taking away my freedom”
If you’re a single person you probably value the freedom that brings, but when you enter into a long-term relationship that freedom is taken away. You become accountable to another person and decisions are taken as a couple. That situation is unappealing to many people and makes them feel trapped. Being part of a couple in a loving relationship requires that sort of commitment so if you can’t give that freedom up, you’re really not ready for a committed relationship.

3. Who, or what, is your priority?
The pressure of giving over all of yourself to another is seen by some as a massive effort and places them under too much pressure. Commitment may feel like you put everything else in your life to one side. If life’s priorities don’t involve an intimate relationship, perhaps because your job is more important to you or you have financial problems, then commitment isn’t the way to go at this time.

Commitment in a relationship requires you to have your life sorted out before entering into it. By always putting your needs ahead of those of your partner you’re on the rocky road to splitting up.

4. Can they be trusted?
Maybe you’ve been betrayed before, or perhaps you fear being betrayed. Either way, if that’s how you feel then you’re going to be entering into a committed relationship in a vulnerable state of mind. Promises that you make to each other, married or not, do not guarantee fidelity. Of course they don’t. However, you can choose a partner that you hope has some morals, values and integrity. The bottom line is that you have to have trust in order to commit. If you can’t get there, you’re not ready.

5. ‘Ready? Steady?….No
Don’t think that because you’re not ready for commitment then you’re in the wrong. You may be in a certain place in your life that isn’t conducive to a committed loving relationship. You may not understand yourself and how you really feel, in which case you shouldn’t be committing to anyone. Not being ready is perfectly natural, find out what you want so you’ll be a stronger person when the time comes and maybe then you’ll feel ready for commitment. This will give you a better chance of a long-term relationship when you meet that special someone.

If you find that the person you’re in a relationship with is displaying signs of commitment phobia, perhaps it’s time to let go so you can find what it is that you’re looking for in a relationship. Putting pressure on someone to get married or be more committed will only serve to drive them further away, so it’s best to move on.

If you need help with your relationship problems, you can find out more information here and learn about some therapies that may be beneficial

Article submitted by
Daniel James Alexander, GoToSee Journalist

Date published
3/12/08


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