NLP for relationship problems

NLP can help you with relationship problems

When problems exist in any relationship it is easy to only see one side of the argument. A break down in communication typically develops when you are unable to see someone else’s point of view. Your judgement is clouded by your own experience and you can’t put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) can change the way you perceive relationships and help you overcome problems before they develop.

NLP can teach you methods that will allow you to see yourself as someone else – an essential part to any good relationship. People experience events differently and therefore respond in a way that can be puzzling if not understood. NLP shifts the focus away from your own experiences to that of the other person. NLP can help you to walk in someone’s shoes, an idea that has been used in clinical psychology as well as ancient traditions for many years.

Gaining additional perspective of relationship problems with NLP

We all have the ability to understand the experience of another person but it is a relationship skill that needs to be taught and learnt in detail. Neuro-linguistic programming can help you develop this key relationship ability with some very simple exercises. You’ll be surprised at the impact this ability can have on your relationship given how easily the NLP skills can be learned. Unlocking your natural understanding of another person’s point of view can improve relationships both personal and professional.

Neuro-linguistic programming uses three important perceptual positions that together can help you find solutions to conflicts and challenges within a relationship whether at home, at work or socially. These three NLP perceptual positions are ‘self position’, ‘observer position’ and ‘other position’. The NLP ‘self position’ is what you believe you are in most of the time; interacting with people and experiencing that interaction through your own eyes. It is your point of view and you are in touch with your needs only. It is used to pursue your own goals and if you only use this position you have no understanding of others’ needs. The NLP ‘observer position’ is adopted to observe interaction between yourself and others from the outside in a dispassionate way (as if observing strangers). This position frees you of any judgement as you watch your own behaviour and words and the responses of others. Adopting only the observer position means you can become detached from life and distant from people as if they are just characters.

The NLP ‘other position’ is to experience events from the point of view of the other person. You become that person, taking on their beliefs and values as they look out on you. This position allows you to gain an understanding of other people’s experiences but only adopting this position can lead you to be self-sacrificial; putting other others’ needs before your own. As you can see, each of these positions has their pros and cons.
Being able to use all three is the skill NLP can teach you so you only extract the pros from each and leave the cons behind.

Developing relationship skills using NLP

As with any skill, practice makes perfect. NLP can help your skill develop from something that you consciously make an effort to do to one that is second nature. NLP will teach you methods that will eventually allow you to seamlessly shift perspective across all three positions without thinking about it. Relationship problems will be better understood and overcome as you learn to interact with others and change how they are perceived, understood and responded to.

Article submitted by
Daniel Alexander, GoToSee Journalist

Date published
16/09/08


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